The Kronikle Vol. 4 Issue 2: Tomorrow I am a vegetarian for at least half an hour
Cheers, Kronkites!
I feel like I am that chick in that classic scene from The Blair Witch where she looks in the camera and lets us all know that something, something, is very, very wrong. Let me explain...
You know how my ability to make it through this experience hinges on the breakfast. I await waking up for the Christmas-for-a-6-year-old level of joy having every kind of breakfast food for the taking with relish and anticipation. Today, after negotiating the endless line that seems to have followed me like a curse from OKC, I was told...I was told...sniff, sniff,,,(I'm sorry; I get emotional)...that I needed to not get any veggie Sausage so the vegetarians could have it! A harbinger? One wonders.
We started our question today. I like my table leader. He is pretty laid back and has a dry wit. My table is a giant pile of vanilla soft serve--no Archnemesis, no Anarchy Incarnate. I cracked a few jokes and got moon-eyed stares like I needed to be quiet so they could concentrate on our important work, so I did.
Yesterday, after I hooked up with one of my South Carolina homies, Roomie, we went to the social room for the US History Readers at our hotel. Yes, it is as funny as it sounds: "SOCIAL Room for US History Readers". I accompanied her since I like to watch her easy, personable way of interacting with the rest of humanity and because, well, its a social room for historians, I thought it would be a wealth of material. Indeed, I scored a win on both. Let me give you a run down of the microcosm of the historian universe. There are 5 major categories of educators who read for the College Board:
The former athlete: This individual tends to be male, a coach and an educator. They love to go to the reading for the male fraternity, drinking quantites of beer that exceeds the limit their wives back home have established, and the unfettered access to ESPN. They tend to not sweat the actual work too much and can be clever if you can get them to talk to the opposite sex. I guess the last is not a problem if you are a guy.
The History is My Obsession guy: This individual never played sports because they lacked the coordination and the eyesight. They are that weird kid you knew of in school but didn't know because they creeped you out. They will wear you out with minute details on the history question you are grading. They also like to be right. They read all the latest books and will actually read more during the reading besides the essays. They tend to be socially awkward and try to ingratiate themselves by saying historical things they know will piss you off. We all hope they find each other and develop into a group much like the videos of ultra Orthodox Jewish men who stand in a group repeating the entire text of the Old Testament. That way they aren't bothering us.
The middle aged lady: When I say middle aged, I mean 10 to 20 years older than me. They tend to wear coordinating jewelry with their outfits, sensible sandals, avoid substances beyond a fatty guacamole or an extra fudge brownie. They spend A LOT of time thinking about the question, how to grade the question, real and imagined slights. They dislike interruptions in routine and unexpected inconvenience. Back in the day, ladies like these were my crew, but my gang has been decimated as most of them have not returned. Curiously, they tend to really like me even though my clothes seldom coordinate.
The moms: They will one day belong to the above category. They tend to raid the social room for snacks and then leave. I don't know what they talk about because they don't talk to me.
The "statistically insignificant": There is a decent minority who don't fit in the above categories. This would include people like myself, Roomie, Anarchy Incarnate, the two lesbians.
Put these people in one room and the sociologists are wetting themselves. It is a marvel.
You get comments like, "Poor Nixon. He was crucified by the media." I listened to an hour of conversation and no one ever tried to say anything funny.
Kronkites, I need some advice. When I take the elevator here, I tend to always find the one with a member of group 2 or 3. I always take off my headphones because it seems like that is the polite things to do. My problem is that the silence of the elevator is broken by the music I am playing, which if you know anything about me, you know is merely various combinations of the seven word you used to not be able to say on television and a wide variety of racial slurs and explicit discussion of lady parts. Then, I sense the mood in elevator somewaht shifts. So...what is the etiquette on that?
Until the next point of the Khronology, I remain
Carrie the Red (stripe)
I feel like I am that chick in that classic scene from The Blair Witch where she looks in the camera and lets us all know that something, something, is very, very wrong. Let me explain...
You know how my ability to make it through this experience hinges on the breakfast. I await waking up for the Christmas-for-a-6-year-old level of joy having every kind of breakfast food for the taking with relish and anticipation. Today, after negotiating the endless line that seems to have followed me like a curse from OKC, I was told...I was told...sniff, sniff,,,(I'm sorry; I get emotional)...that I needed to not get any veggie Sausage so the vegetarians could have it! A harbinger? One wonders.
We started our question today. I like my table leader. He is pretty laid back and has a dry wit. My table is a giant pile of vanilla soft serve--no Archnemesis, no Anarchy Incarnate. I cracked a few jokes and got moon-eyed stares like I needed to be quiet so they could concentrate on our important work, so I did.
Yesterday, after I hooked up with one of my South Carolina homies, Roomie, we went to the social room for the US History Readers at our hotel. Yes, it is as funny as it sounds: "SOCIAL Room for US History Readers". I accompanied her since I like to watch her easy, personable way of interacting with the rest of humanity and because, well, its a social room for historians, I thought it would be a wealth of material. Indeed, I scored a win on both. Let me give you a run down of the microcosm of the historian universe. There are 5 major categories of educators who read for the College Board:
The former athlete: This individual tends to be male, a coach and an educator. They love to go to the reading for the male fraternity, drinking quantites of beer that exceeds the limit their wives back home have established, and the unfettered access to ESPN. They tend to not sweat the actual work too much and can be clever if you can get them to talk to the opposite sex. I guess the last is not a problem if you are a guy.
The History is My Obsession guy: This individual never played sports because they lacked the coordination and the eyesight. They are that weird kid you knew of in school but didn't know because they creeped you out. They will wear you out with minute details on the history question you are grading. They also like to be right. They read all the latest books and will actually read more during the reading besides the essays. They tend to be socially awkward and try to ingratiate themselves by saying historical things they know will piss you off. We all hope they find each other and develop into a group much like the videos of ultra Orthodox Jewish men who stand in a group repeating the entire text of the Old Testament. That way they aren't bothering us.
The middle aged lady: When I say middle aged, I mean 10 to 20 years older than me. They tend to wear coordinating jewelry with their outfits, sensible sandals, avoid substances beyond a fatty guacamole or an extra fudge brownie. They spend A LOT of time thinking about the question, how to grade the question, real and imagined slights. They dislike interruptions in routine and unexpected inconvenience. Back in the day, ladies like these were my crew, but my gang has been decimated as most of them have not returned. Curiously, they tend to really like me even though my clothes seldom coordinate.
The moms: They will one day belong to the above category. They tend to raid the social room for snacks and then leave. I don't know what they talk about because they don't talk to me.
The "statistically insignificant": There is a decent minority who don't fit in the above categories. This would include people like myself, Roomie, Anarchy Incarnate, the two lesbians.
Put these people in one room and the sociologists are wetting themselves. It is a marvel.
You get comments like, "Poor Nixon. He was crucified by the media." I listened to an hour of conversation and no one ever tried to say anything funny.
Kronkites, I need some advice. When I take the elevator here, I tend to always find the one with a member of group 2 or 3. I always take off my headphones because it seems like that is the polite things to do. My problem is that the silence of the elevator is broken by the music I am playing, which if you know anything about me, you know is merely various combinations of the seven word you used to not be able to say on television and a wide variety of racial slurs and explicit discussion of lady parts. Then, I sense the mood in elevator somewaht shifts. So...what is the etiquette on that?
Until the next point of the Khronology, I remain
Carrie the Red (stripe)